71) Legacy Of The Hopeless

Join us for a long awaited YOMcast as I rant on about America's war in the Middle East, explain a view on Don't Ask Don't Tell, reflect on the past decade of events (video), look at Korea's tension war, North Korea's willingness to open up, and prepare a message for the future...

64) Talks With The Archon

Taken from Archive 18, memory cluster 89.37.82.

"...Because we conform to lives we know hold no meaning, to obtain a measure of peace we all seek, but few rarely find.

So you can't tell me what I should do? What you want me to do?

Just because I'm your father doesn't mean I guide your life. I tell you how to get to the junction, but I can't tell you which path to take. Join the military, go to college, get married, pump out kids? I can't force you to do that.

You're a damn good father, you know that?

Only because you understand that I don't love you because I have to. I love you because I can. I've come to respect you as an individual. Son or not, I learned early on to see past these petty differences.

Aimless and wondering in the ocean. Would you love a child who turned into a monster?

Would you?

What kind of question is that?

You asked. Look, it's not about making me proud, or proving anything to anybody. You will make mistakes. You will live. You will die. How happy you are in life depends on whether or not you can accept the truths you set out for yourself.

Cryptic, as always.

If you were coming to me because of my age, I'm afraid I can't impart on you the boundaries of my infinite wisdom.

For I am much too young to know...

You're never to young too live..."

61) United

Remember when I told you about that speck of light in that new technological monument? You know, that Halo: Reach thingy?

Now that the game's been out for awhile, the monument has finally shut down (a personal Facebook message told me so), so let's take a look back on what was accomplished here.

Over the course of about a month, 118,422 people used their Facebook pages to post a contribution to the memorial. That's not counting the people who visited the site and didn't have an Facebook to contribute. (Rare these days, no?)

The dots came from all over the world, stretching from Milan to Osaka. Hell, they made a video about it:

In that earlier post, I talked about being united, having a sense of belonging. It all becomes much more satisfying once you know the numbers and statistics behind this little advertising campaign. People all over the world, many of whom will never meet each other, used the internet to share a single common passion. It's difficult to grasp that something like this, especially for a video game, could've happened just little over a decade ago.

That's what the internet revolution has done for us. If the new Facebook movie is any indication, it's that the internet plays a vital role in our lives. Instead of us mastering it, it now has the ability to master us.

It has the potential to bring us to tears, make us laugh, do stupid things, etc. Next to that, you've got the cultivation of a new online language as legal as ebonics, pictures of cats and their witty captions, or Youtube videos of morons hurting themselves.

I admit even I feel a bit internet incompetent sometimes. Coming from a seventeen-year old that spends 50% of his time on a computer, this might seem blasphemous. But then again, you don't see alot of seventeen year-olds these days convey information in readable grammar and spelling. (I try, anyway) Some of my peers would find this revulsive, just as their English teachers would cry tears over their texts.

Even a youngster like me can't help but feel a little slow when it comes to texting, Twittering, etc. I don't do texting or Twittering, but the fear exists in me that someday I might be forced to do it for some job or something.

Technology is indeed growing more generational by the day. Why a couple of days ago, I had a good laugh when my English teacher couldn't make his projector connect to his laptop. I sensed that he could feel our snickering eyes follow his every action, but when he finally got it to work, there was a loud and clear "Ha!" directed right back at us.

So there exists the possibility that when I'm old enough to be a sagacious teacher, I won't be able to keep up with technological trends. Who knows? By then paper books might be extinct, or they've perfected installing whole computers into a chip that can plug into your head.

At least I won't go it alone. As a generation, we can be united. Not necessarily to control the world with technology, but rather provide a voice of reason against technology controlling us.

For now, I can settle for being number 81,361 out of 118,422 little dots, all soldiers of an online generation.

51) Electronic Cocaine

When you grow up surrounded by labels of peer pressure, social norms, and signs of how to act, it's hard to deviate from a preset course of action. It takes control of what you wear, how you act, how you speak, and in the most general of descriptions, how to live your life.

One of these decisive factors for the current young is video games. You've heard of it, so it must be true. Capitalist America has groomed their electronic cow to produce the most milk out of the young, forcing them to convene on common grounds of "fun".

So it's a whole other argument when it come to video games that concerns me. Are teens playing games because they want to? Or because they're forced to?

'Forced' is a bit misleading here, but I'm referring to societal peer pressure. The internal instinct of capitalist America has triggered a subconscious desire to purchase. Not because the product is practical, but because it's the 'best' thing to do. There is a fine line between buying a game because you want to play it, and just because someone else has it.

This ties into the American education system, which, through no fault of its own, has encouraged kids to compete with each other. First it was grades, then it was material possessions, and now it's social lives. The system has played on our primal need to compete, turning it all into a covert war of buying and owning.

It's an addiction to compete. It's deadly in America, where whoever has the most, wins. Now that it's taken hold in the electronic world, kids are being exposed to the perils at infancy. It's a drug.

You hear stories and cases of people falling into internet and video game addiction, but you dissociate from them because you believe you believe their cases are extreme and unfathomable to you. But what if it's because you're just denying it from yourself? If it could happen to them, it could happen to you, right?

What I'm ultimately getting at here is that addictions cause you to lose personal integrity. This is virtual cocaine, which affects the mind and the body. The more you're connected to electronics, the harder it is to step away. You might think that this is obvious, but many people continue to set their measures of e-addiction higher and higher.

Who can blame them? In this modern America, it's no longer practical to be disconnected. Peoples' jobs are spent in front of a computer. Teenagers have to use a computer to do their assignments. More and more, it seems that our society is becoming more enslaved to machines rather than the other way around.

It may turn out in the long run that resisting electronic cocaine is a futile endeavor. After all, society is measured in change by infinite unpredictable factors that become increasingly unrecognizable as time passes.

I refuse to believe that we very few can change the flow of history. Yielding to society is much easier than resisting it, because everyday the fight for the little guy becomes harder. It forces us to do the next hardest thing: change ourselves.

Next time you come upon the choice between electronics and a walk in the park, decide what part of you holds more brevity. Are you willing to yield to society, or are you willing to change yourself?

These are the questions I continue to ask myself. The more I grow up in this electronic world, the more I realize the futility of resistance. My search for something more becomes increasingly futile in a society I refuse to accept. The vices of humanity call, and we must all submit.

Am I supposed to feel this way? Is it the new societal standard to feel pessimism? Or am I just growing up?

However:

Just because I take electronic cocaine doesn't mean I have to like it.

And so we merry few continue to fight the 'good' fight. We search for the truth. More importantly, we search for ourselves.

39) Naturalistic Fallacies

As the year draws out to a close, I'd like to think this blog was worth something to me and to others. That would make me happy.

For a high school student, and most people in general, happiness is a very important aspect of their lives. We love happiness because it is a pleasant feeling; everybody knows what it is and wants more of it.

After reading The Happiness Myth by Jennifer Michael Hecht, It's become quite clear that modern research has isolated why we feel happy when we do certain things. This is blatantly obvious to most, only because the reasonable explanation is "it just does." I'm trying to find out WHY it makes you feel all nice on the inside.

According to the book, the origin of human happiness is divided into a few categories: Wisdom, Drugs, Money, Bodies, and Celebration. Some include aspects of of the others, and can be experienced by all. Everyone feels happiness in their lives. Might as well go looking for more.

I don't claim to be a neuroscientist or anything, but it seems that happiness triggers a chemical response that makes you "feel" good. So if all happiness is derived from these chemicals, are we not in fact drugging ourselves? Can we become addicted?

Of course of we can. Some people stick to hedonism as a guideline for living because it's human instinct to become happy. It was invented along with the first humans.

The real problem is obtaining happiness. There are many actions that can be taken to induce the chemical heaven in your brain, but it all depends on what you like and how far you're willing to go. We know of the obvious methods with questionable legality.

It ranges from roller coaster adrenaline rushes, hundred people orgies, and the killing of others. To each their own. Besides, don't forget about the sadist who refuses to hurt the masochist.

The truth is, when you become older, the opportunities to obtain happiness widen exponentially. You get to drive, drink, smoke, live on your own, etc. It's the transition to this stage that you can either embrace or ignore. It's this transition that makes things complicated.

It's the drugs you take with your friends at lunch, the short-lived relationships with that one person, or the combined glee of that last bell on the last day of school. This kind of happiness is liberating, addicting, and revered above all else.

And then there's the downside. There are laws, regulations, and rules that prevent you from trying to have fun. So you break them and you keep going.

Or you turn violent and angry, letting your frustrations turn you into a person with desperate needs and desires, a person that society fears and shuns.

I've come to believe that this whole transition phase is vital in shaping the rest of your life. Knowing whether or not you can achieve happiness in your adolescence allows you to make decisions on what kind of person you want to be, what kind of life you want to live. It's what defines your goals, aspirations, and endeavors. It's what drives you to live and succeed.

So perhaps you can imagine the frustration that occurs when a person in this transition phase is feeling unhappy. When they refuse to see the life ahead of them. When they don't see the point in finding future happiness because they can't find any now.

So they say happiness isn't everything. Maybe not, but it sure means alot.

What is the unhappy high school student to do?

38) Growing Up

Adolescence is a time for every person to decide who they are in relation to the world. It is when a person decides and acts on their impulse to become a productive(or unproductive) part of society according to the status quo.

And who doesn't think they can change the world at the ripe age of eighteen? Some go on to become successful in their mission, fulfilling their lifelong dreams. It is the majority that is swept up in the throngs of everyday life. After all, nobody can expect who they actually become to be.

So my hypothetical stands for the people who don't want to part of this society, the ones that see human civilization has no intrinsic value to success. Whatever are those people are to do?

I don't claim to know anything, or even a lot. I'm convinced that no one I've ever seen or heard of can ever truly understand what it means to know everything, to become the richest, the most successful, the most popular, etc. There's just too many contradictions and morals involved.

But of the very few things I know, I can testify that the world is not a perfect place, and that my little contributions to the grand scheme of things don't matter. So why should I continue to exist? Is it for some higher purpose I have yet to discover?

It is this kind of soul searching that never stabilizes my mind. Everything I've ever known has always been betrayed by the one common enemy. Purpose. Even purpose's purpose is questionable.

I don't think anybody has a satisfactory answer as to the purpose of everything. I'd be quite shocked if they do.

But what I can't grasp is how I'm able to live, how others have been able to exist for so long without any care for their own purpose. It shocks me to see that I have to conform to the human civilization that has made its own system of survival based on endlessly questionable methodology.

By this I mean that one group of people lives based on indulgence. The first person to rebel gets thrown out of the group. If, hypothetically, this were the only group, that one person would legally be able to "cease to exist" in the relative frame of an outside observer.

That's what keeps me up at night. I want to become that lone person outside the system that can live without the group in peace and happiness. Maybe I already do and I don't know it.

That's what disturbs me. That there is only entropy and no order. That there are only more upon more unanswered questions. It's quite overwhelming if you actually stop to think about it. How is a person to live with such ambiguity? It baffles me.

I search for the impossible things that I can never hope to find, live the life that I know has no value or meaning to me, to reach toward a goal, destiny, or fate that I do not care for or want. How can a person live like this? Perhaps its just that simple: they can't.

So if that's the ultimate truth, I can justify my absolute praise and welcoming of death. What a shame that I can never understand what causes people to exist or perish at that hands of a higher concept.

Must be the absurdist in me.

31) A Hearty Breakfast

Above: 3 strips of bacon, 'eggy in the basket', scrambled eggs, and a cup of moderately sweet coffee.

Accompanying music:


A meal always tastes better when you're the one that cooked it. This is best achieved with breakfast, arguably the most important meal of the day. But if cooking eggs while avoiding waking my parents has taught me anything, its that spring break presents luxuries I seldom enjoy.

On the bright side, I've discovered a solution to my writer's block: 1 hour of meditation after a minimum 110 hours after any schooling. Not a feasible solution to help my writing abilities, but I've been able to produce a 45 minute podcast in the process.

However, my free time is not truly 'free'. I've been studying in my SAT subject books for a test that's slated on my 17th birthday.

And isn't that the greatest insult? To mar the celebration of my birth with the grasp of schooling and its merciless institutions. Forcing me to study when I'm on break.

But what really scares me is that I've already begun to miss the horrible sounds of the school bells, the apathetic tone of a teacher's voice, or the mob of students all talking at once.

If my hate for schooling isn't apparent, I'll emphasize it here: I HATE SCHOOL. And no, don't you go back a few posts on this blog to refresh your memory. I wouldn't dare waste your time with my rants. It's only a question of why you're reading this.

Which all means that the only drawn conclusion is my worst fear: I've become addicted to school. The system has grabbed me with its totalitarian grasp, seeping into my mind, driving my veins of hate and contempt. I've become addicted to pain.

Twice I've woke this school year, struggling to breathe, my heart beating at an inhuman rate, as if I've been running for miles nonstop. Numerous times I've had dreams of dismembering my family, echoed by screams of pain and laughs of sadism in an orchestra of delicious blood and flesh. I've felt enough pain to drive me to suicide; feelings that some shall never know in their lifetime.

I need not convince you of the products of compulsory schooling. Let me be the example of the mental damage it has caused in some.

I can live with being a masochist. In fact, its the only remaining option I have. I'm not bluffing when I say that school has taught me not to fear death.

And here I thought I could be happy and satisfied for cooking my own breakfast. Before this week ends, I'll consider doing it once again. Eggs are delicious.

Alas, I've become pessimistic once again. So I wonder why so very few adults understand what this education system has cost. When my parents can give me my sanity back, then they can start complaining that I'm not a obedient adolescent. When teachers can help me enjoy life once again, then they can judge my intelligence.

So listen to your common masochistic, delusional, and suicidal student. He knows more about school than you think.

How's this for solving writer's block?

30) The Spring Break Rant

This week, we discuss the imperialist ipad, troubles with Pope Benedict the 16th, hate on the American School System as described by John Taylor Gatto (again), and see the legitimate fears of people and American politics.

This one's a long one folks, so strap in and listen:

28) Adolescence Ultimatum

With the start of my new podcast and audio logs, it's hit me that my writer's block may be over. As I and others so crudely describe it: A solider that battles in a hopeless battle against all odds. He has what it takes to win, but that victory will achieve nothing. The only winning move is not to play, but not playing means death.

In the end, curbing my creativity and tapping into it is an untimely chore that will still be scrutinized and graded. I can't avoid the simple fact that my classes force me to become a dictator against my own thoughts.

And then the education system demands that it must be graded. So how do you grade creativity?

But I bring this up because of the origins. Every person has a source that brings them unnecessary hardship and pain. This source can be a person, object, or a metaphysical thing. Most often, you have no control over it.

And so today I realized that there are too many sources in my life. It defies accurate explanation. And like the soldier that I am, combating these sources is another endeavor of hope entirely.

I keep trying to tell myself this is another adolescence phase, but from what I've been able to gather, the phase does not include self loathing, depression, daily crying, and mental breakdowns. Adolescence, as it was, does not exist. Just another fancy term for growing up. So I wonder how many of my classmates experience this.

I would say a lot more, but the evidence is difficult to find, and much more for curiosity rather than practical analyzation. The people I know all experience it, even though they never talk about it. The signs are in the conversation topics, the flared angers, the cold stares.Every time I see that stare of blank indifference I know that I am not the only one.

When I realized that, I stopped feeling sorry for myself. I stopped caring about my life. And most of all, I eliminated the definition of hope from my life.

So where does this all come from? The rigorous testing? The chemical imbalances in our diet? The competition of the American school system?

I genuinely care for all those other people out there that know this unbearable pain. Their cries for salvation and liberation are not in vain. I know they exist, and I am more than willing to listen to what they have to say.

I know so many people that would turn to death to alleviate the pain. I am no stranger to these thoughts.

So I pose that ultimate question. How did the adults of today get over this? Did they ever experience this at all?

I think it's a taboo that no one talks about. Being a high school student isn't easy. Knowing pain daily is.

I know it exists. I know how to find it. I know how to see it. So I wait for when somebody changes it.

27) Don't Need No Education

Listen as we honor Corey Haim, rage on the perils of Mr. Sutherland's adolescence revelation, G. Stanley Hall, discuss the injustices of the American education system, Bash the SAT, explain job satisfaction via video games, see how America is stubborn via Exit Signs, and look at Greece's economic woes.