After a first hard day of my senior year, I lost more respect and patience for myself than I ever thought I would. It's a new record.It was to be expected, the sudden moment of identity shock coming to me as I transitioned from a carefree lazy ass that couldn't be bothered to give a damn back into a slave of the system. The fleeting moments of summer are officially gone, and a part of me would give up my dignity to go back.
The inevitability of the situation did not help. After three years of seeing the same red tile hallways, I knew the teachers and the rooms. I knew where to go and what to do. Regardless, the seniority that I now claim is a bit of a misnomer. We're still just students, and after a summer of fun we barely remember how the system feels.
I found it a little bit funny that my comrade veterans in this education endeavor were still asking questions pertaining to when we got out, or where some of the rooms were. I couldn't blame them for their weary red eyes, but even if I didn't know the answer, I had to act with a bit of professionalism.
And that's when it all came flowing back. The American educational system as a method to turn us into little hopeful workers, striving for CEO. We get close to each other, only for self-interest in advancement. When we get a better grade, we smile devilishly on the inside as we stroke our egos in front of the low-scorers. We don't earn wages. We earn grades.
Along the way, we might even earn a little respect.
But when my respect sours for others on the first day, it's apparent that something is very wrong. I'm very fair and tolerant when it comes to emotional auras, but the disruptive presence of the laughing peer behind me kills my ability to concentrate.
I don't blame him for my first-day dilemmas. There are more important things to consider, like the homework I got from my three advanced placement classes on the first day.
Which is all fine and dandy when parents don't understand why we isolate ourselves from them when we come back home. They seem to have very little empathy when we tell them we can do it later, that our work will get done eventually. We need a few minutes to prevent some emotional suicide after being fed to the hawks for eight hours.
Some people can handle this pressure. Just hope I can. ODST's drop into hell and back in one piece. Here's to hope.
But for God's sake, it's only the first day.
Come on, man. Chin up. You can do this, you will do this, and you are going to look back before long and realize how much smaller it all looks in perspective. That's all I can tell ya.
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