In analyzing my writing, evidence suggests my composition abilities have improved little over the past semester. While I realize my weaknesses, formulating and enacting solutions to this has been a difficult endeavor.
When using my first post on this blog as a reference point, my syntax and composition have morphed into marginal gains when it comes to expressing meaning in my posts. Although I have developed and changed my style in different ways, there are several reasons as to why I believe there has been little improvement.
To start, the only major change that has occurred on this blog is the podcasts (which I've named YOMcasts) that I've started doing. Although they don't include actual writing, I feel that they illustrate my point better. This is because you're hearing my style and tone through sound rather than actually reading words. I've been debating whether these podcasts help my writing abilities by allowing me to think more about how I express myself.
With podcasts, I often rehearse my speeches to prevent fractured expression. This is because I'm self-conscious enough to care a lot about what others might think of me over the internet. This is why I go to great pains to take certain positions on issues.
With the first YOMcast, I was not rehearsing, which explains a lot of my stuttering. Later prevention of this has helped me try and improve my public speaking skills, along with composition improvisation. Most importantly, it has shown me that how you say things are more important than what you actually say.
Many parallels with this can be drawn to my writing. While it's not the actual composition of words, it is the actual style with which I convey ideas. There is a difference between saying "That was a horrible movie," and saying "That movie made me want to vomit and gouge out my eyes."
I have seen this in my own writing. Take this in context:
Perhaps where I'm going with this is that school seems utterly pointless at an early age.
Compared to this:
...especially in high school, when students are forced to do assignments they do not see the reward in. Day after day, the modern student must struggle against a cause they have no standing reason to believe in.
The major difference between the two is that the second one develops the same point with detail. Podcasting had taught me to be more clear and precise because the audience might not understand your point if you are being too vague. I make the second sentence convey more meaning not only with more words, but with more emotion.
This is the style I've learned to develop. I bring all of this up to understand whether I've actually improved my writing skills. What I've come to question is whether these podcasts are just a subconscious laziness factor that I've developed in trying to avoid improving my writing.
So the question stands: Have I been improving or stalling?
One thing is clear: I have changed the way in which people can understand me on this blog. Trying to analyze whether I've improved, is a inner philosophical semantics question I've yet to fully work out. I can't concretely say I've "improved", but I'm siding with evidence to the contrary. If anything, I realize the dilemma present.
With all of this in mind, I can say without a doubt there have been posts in which I have surprised myself in terms of subject matter. In keeping with my volatile attitude, there are many subjects I never imagined I would be writing about. Looking back at these posts drudges up feelings of shame, guilt, or happiness.
As evident by post labeling and tagging, I've covered a wide variety of subjects ranging from personal stories to politics. This all depends on the mood I'm in according to the day on which I write the post. Like many other blogs, sometimes it is easy to tell whether the author has had a good or bad day.
YOM is no exception. I'm not afraid to admit that I sometimes regret the subject matter I chose to write about given the free write option. My bad days of depression and teen angst bleed through in posts about myself and my struggles.
I rarely talk about my brother, mostly because of the pain it brings up. But this post that appeared gives a rather impersonal and uncomfortable exploration behind my seventeenth birthday. You can't get more in-depth than this.
I'm rather surprised that I would mention a dead sibling at all, but I speak of it freely and openly. Although I regret the subject matter involving my brother, I don't regret writing that post. I have surprised myself in posting it, but I'm even more surprised at the feelings of closure it has given me on the matter.
Maybe that's why I can talk about it so freely. Or perhaps it's because of the eye-opening statistics on Google Analytics. If the numbers are right, I get very little visitors, and most of them are just not willing to leave a comment. This I can understand, for I hesitate to leave comments on the blogs I read. I only leave words if I know the author in person.
It's the prospect of not standing in the spotlight that's given me the freedom to try these varied and surprising topics. Knowing that nobody's paying attention makes it easier to write things you wouldn't otherwise share.
I've tried topics I never imagined I'd touch. My original guideline of writing about games, education, and society has expanded to include fictional stories, religion, and government. I can only hope to become even more varied in my topic choices. Most importantly, I hope I can continue to surprise myself and learn more.
It's been a long road since my first semester final, and in that time, I've tackled alot of life's problems using this this blog. I can only continue to do so with more writing. Writer's block might be a problem, but I think I'm going to keep trudging on, even after the school year ends. I can only hope others do the same.
Finally, if there's anything I've learned from this past year of posts, it's that I finally and truly understand what YOM means to me.
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