Blogger and the overall idea of blogging has changed little about me, even though teachers would claim it is beneficial to my writing skills. My problem is that I don't see whatever improvements I'm supposed to have made. My doubt into this matter is a result of my constant writer's block.
I'm not accustomed to "freedom" writing in school. I doubt many others are either. There are very few writing assignments where you have full flexibility in what you wish to express. This is most likely due to fears of what you can write about in school and get away with. People love to bend this thin line of school ethics whenever they can.
This year, when I decided to take creative writing and required English, one of my main objectives was to defeat my adversary, Mr. Writer's Block. Now I have two classes that force me to do what I am not used to: exercise creative freedom. The number of assignments I have with such flexibility is on the rise. Right now, I'm juggling between blog posts and a few fictional stories I intend to finish.
Such creative independence is daunting. I am not accustomed to freedom over my actions. Most of the time, somebody controls or influences what I wear and eat. In my previous schooling, over numerous assignments, I've always had direction that forced me to work with guidelines.
This lack of dependency now has forced me into an ocean of topics that I hesitate to choose from. It's not because there's so little to work with, but because there is far too much. I don't like jumping into the ocean of creativity without a lifesaver. I often drown.
This is why most of my blog posts are drawn from random moments of inspiration. These are often influenced by others, which I still consider to be guidelines from fake teachers. They indicate what I should write about. These moments are seemingly random, and there is a subconscious response that reminds me I have a post due as an assignment. Sometimes I write these ideas down, and then disregard them later because I deem them stupid or impractical. The one idea I do keep, I write about.
This brings me to my second problem. When I don't discover moments of inspirational clarity, my mind enters a narrow alley. I just want to get the work done and disregard my creative voice. Some may be able to pull ideas out of nowhere on the spot, but the assignments I work on have a deadline. Although it is to be expected, you can't control creativity. I can't pop up with writing ideas at any given moment. My lemon of a brain doesn't like to be squeezed as a last ditch effort to complete homework, especially not the night before it's due.
When I started weekly blogging with YOM, I was enthusiastic about the idea. My first post was a prelude to the great endeavors I would undertake. As time wore on, my idea pool became exhausted, and I began writing ideas without efficiency and thoughtful prose. By the time I got here, my writing style was lacking in terms of language diversity and purpose. I was writing because I had to, not because I wanted to. This still holds true today.
Part of it is that I do some of the blog posts at school, or that I'm simply repulsed with being forced to make ideas out of thin air. My distaste for blogging has grown into an untimely chore rather than an outlet for my spirit. I'm still struggling with writer's block on my blog, along with the overall construction of this entire self-analyzation. The evidence is in my old blog, Shattered Infinity. Writer's block forced me to kill it with extreme self loathing.
When I do write, my current blog follows a trend. I generally just write about media and politics. Everything else falls into the miscellaneous category.
Media is an easy choice for me, as it is for many others on their blogs, obviously because of the impact it has on our lives. My obsession comes with people's interactions with media, and exactly how trends work. More specifically, this goes into the booming video game industry I am so very fond of. This is reflective on the video gamer in me.
Politics is the second fail safe option. It's tempting to write about, but must be done carefully to avoid confusion and criticism, even though both are expected in the final result. I fear the outcome enough to shy away from it.
The bright side on writing about political affairs is that you can relate to everyone on a personal level, as many have a political opinion. Also, you choose who to write about without getting easily stuck. There are many influences to draw from. Barrack Obama is clearly one of the major characters that come to mind. Following my mission statement, I have an inner craving to urge readers of my blog to think more about politics. After all, the government controls many aspects of your life.
Other times, I speculate on combining the two. I often visit www.gamepolitics.com, where I can get inspiration on the two topics that inspire me to write. I've started many hybrids of game politics posts, but they've turned video game posts every time. I hate politics more than I love video games.
I'm dissatisfied with restricting myself to these topics. I want to break the trend, but alas, Mr. Writer's Block has his gun to my head.
If there is anything I learned in the past few months, it's that I should broaden my writing horizons. I'm trying to overcome my fear of writing without being stuck. I've started to save unfinished blog posts and rants instead of deleting them. Looking over them might give me inspiration, and tell me what I shouldn't do when it comes to writing in general.
First, writer's block killed Shattered Infinity. Now it's forced me into a ditch with my current blog YOM. I feel I need to gain some revenge against Mr. Block.
Third time's a charm.
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