After raging on the perils on my unhappy life and returning to the monotony of required schooling, my mind has calmed a bit. However, my soul continues to cry for help in other forms. It's not everyday that wishes for liberation can be fulfilled. The chance still brings me hope.
After looking at the futility of my situation, much should be improved. Whether they can be improved is another story entirely. Reflections and whining can only do so much. So where do people get their motivation from?
There's a movie I'm quite fond of. It stars a young Natalie Portman in her debut, along with a younger and more eccentric Jean Reno. The movie is called Léon, about a solitary hitman living in New York City's Little Italy. Léon is a lonely and downtrodden man. Even though his occupation keeps him from making friends, he is able to find consolation in the littlest things.
There is a scene in the film where Léon comments on how his best friend is a houseplant. The plant never talks back at him, and is always there to listen. The film concludes with Léon's sacrifice to save a young girl he befriends.
Another movie I love is Ghost Dog: The Way of the Samurai. It depicts the mysterious 'Ghost Dog', a hitman that follows the honorable code of the samurai, often reciting passages from Yamamoto Tsunetomo's Hagakure. He is a lone stranger that is friends with a man who doesn't speak his language, along with a young girl that never sees his true nature. Aside from killing, he also cares for a flock of pigeons that live above his apartment.
Ghost Dog also perishes at the conclusion of the film, sacrificing himself so that he may atone for his sins and follow his code.
What do these two films have in common? I find myself alluding to these charcters more and more, men bound to their lives by a code that they begrudgingly accept because it was the path they chose. Both are strangers to the common world, accepted only by a small few who cherish the hopes of the outside world.
And in the end, both die in distress and pain, not fearing, for they know full well this is their destiny.
Who can deny such men are honorable idols of valor and courage, of honor and strength? I find myself more attached to this fiction because I can no longer see the realism in believing such characters could exist in the free world.
I can no longer believe that there are still people of honor and chilvary. I can't see the existence of morality and ethics that humankind has set for itself. There is no obligation to abide by good anymore.
It saddens me to know that such fictional characters can only be fiction because they embody so much of what I believe in. What is a man to do when he realizes his code can never hold value in the world?
So I won't listen to my parents, my imaginary characters, or my teachers. They can't give me what I want.
Because amidst this suffering, this is the path I choose. Of all the nightmares and hells I could have embraced, I choose this one, only because it is in full and utter harmony with everything I stand for and constitutes every last fiber of my being. I don't change it because I'm afraid. I don't change it because it makes me stronger.
継続は力なり
-Continuance is strength.
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