Thursday, April 29, 2010

35) Flashlight



Nothing will destroy me in a million years,
For mother Terra holds me with soft love,
I exist more than a simple body,
More than just simple flesh and blood.

So I see I am not a wasted creation,
Blessed with thoughts of love and faith,
Living in a world of endless dream,
Of opposites to anger and hate.

Tonight the pale shade of a full moon,
To the soft sounds of one full night,
I know I am invincible with hope,
Waiting for dawn's first light.

Nothing will destory me in a million years,
For gentle arms hold me with soft love,
My thoughts will cradle me with dreams of heaven,
More than just simple flesh and blood.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

34) Chosen Soul

Current Play:


To the chaos of the human ages,
History forged in countless wars,
Seen through my tired and empty soul,
Forever plagued by unhealed scars.

Born into a dark and pure heart,
Sacrificing life, love, and peace,
Trained by codes of valued honor,
On a quest for violence cease.

Living doomed and set fates,
The same soul that seeks more,
Death embraced in a million battles,
Fought in many different wars.

My wavering actions are a battle,
And again I shall into death soar,
Fearless, heroic, and dedicated,
To be born a soldier once more.

So therefore I shall speak my struggles,
Repeated countless times anew,
Forged in wasted tears and blood,
Infinite attempts at final virtue.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

33) Convulsion's Smile

Listen as your enraged host rambles endlessly on the Mexican Drug War, Arizona's rambo immigration bill, President Obama's popularity in a tailspin proven with the don't ask don't tell policy speech interruption, violent political protests in Bangkok, Thailand: with accompanying video, and an ending message of hope.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Book Review: The Forever War

The Forever War is a science fiction novel written by Joe Haldeman. It tells the story of William Mandela, a unwilling soldier forced to fight a war against humanity's future enemies. However, due to time dilation, William is aging months while Earth is aging centuries. The ultimate struggle he faces is his own identity between a war he fights, and the strange and foreign home he returns to.

This book is a pure allusion upon Joe Haldeman's experiences in the Vietnam war. The book is generally anti-military, painting the government construct as a soulless automaton that fails to serve the best interests of humanity at large. It can only wage war in a thinly veiled lie of self preservation, while the only true motive is found in avoiding self contradiction.

The novel seems to be written for science fiction fans, but influences them by showing how a military abuses its soldiers. In the end, pacifism is the main moral of the book, as humanity is blamed for starting the war. Trigger happy nationals were what caused the forever war, showing that the government cannot control its human nature when it is most important.

This book could also appeal to Vietnam veterans, for it shows that they are not alone in being exploited as tools. With their morality destroyed by fighting against their will to survive, Haldeman shows that true comfort, no matter how desperate, can be found in the presence of comrades.

Haldeman's true purpose is to expose readers to the exploitation of soldiers in a petty war. It shows this by detailing scenes of death in a passive and vivid way:

"It grazed the top of his helmet and disappeared with a faint pop. He took one step backward and toppled over the edge of the crater, trailing an arc of blood and brains. Lifeless, spread-eagled, he slid halfway to the bottom, shoveling dirt into the perfectly symmetrical hole where the bubble had chewed through plastic, hair, skin, bone, and brain" (p.72).

It is through these scenes of death and destruction that we revolt and feel disgust for the situation and sympathy for the soldiers. The reader is forced to feel more and more sympathetic to William, as he is continuously subjected to worse and worse situations. All the while, he is perfectly aware of it all.

One example is the implemented memories that William has triggered during combat. He knows what is being done, and we can only feel sorry for him:

"My mind reeled under the strong pseudomemories: shaggy hulks that were Taurans (not at all what we now knew they looked like) boarding a colonists' vessel, eating babies while mothers watched in screaming terror (the colonists never took babies; they couldn't stand the acceleration), then raping the women to death with huge purple members (ridiculous that they would feel desire for humans), holding the men down while they plucked the flesh from their living bodies and gobbled it (as if they could assimilate the alien protein)...a hundred grisly details as sharply remembered as the events of a minute ago, ridiculously overdone and logically absurd" (p.71).

Scenes like this appear all over the book, with William fully aware of the situation he is subjected to. Again, it is the sadness we feel in his observations that we learn not to envy the glorified version of war, merely to only observe it with disgust. The thinly veiled prospect of the science fiction setting does little to hide the true nature of the book.

Haldeman writes in this style throughout the book, making it familiar to the reader. At times it is highly pessimistic and depressing. Other times, readers can find the context extremely amusing. There are certain jokes that are inserted at various points in the book that distract the reader in sympathetic fun:

"Actually, she was the one with the new trick. The French corkscrew, she called it. She wouldn't tell me who taught it to her, though. I'd like to shake his hand. Once I got my strength back" (p.32).

The tone of the book likes to sporadically switch in accordance with the current setting of the scene. However, this is done very subtly to avoid confusion. It is done very successfully, and cannot be noticed by those not specifically looking for it. This no doubt contributes to making The Forever War Haldeman's most popular book.

Compared to other science fiction novels, The Forever War remains a classic. It is one of the very few modern space operas that lay the foundations for trends found in other novels today. Its primary achievement is the explanation of fictional science.

Most early science fiction novels describe a machine or concept purely with observation. The Forever War changes this by going deep into the fiction, explaining the concept with numbers and figures:

"'It's not as though we'd actually be lost,' he said with a rather wicked expression. 'We could zip up in the tanks, aim for Earth and blast away at full power. We'd get there in about three months, ship time.' 'Sure,' I said. 'But 150,000 years in the future.' At twenty-five gees, you get to nine-tenths the speed of light in less than a month. From then on, you're in the arms of Saint Albert'" (p.203).

This is important because it distinguishes between letting a reader use their imagination, giving the reader a vivid sense of what has already been imagined, or doing both. This choice allows an author to decide how a story is made to appeal to the reader. It is their choice on how to make a book captivating.

This trend setter has since been used to great effect in modern science fiction novels, such as the Halo series of books. Even though they are written by different authors, they retain the unique quality of explaining the fictional sciences in various depths. This serves the purpose of immersing the readers in a unique way, depending on the author's original intent.

The Forever War is a pure anti-war book at heart. Even though its thin disguise hides a darker reality of the Vietnam War, it still serves as a fun and light novel. If you can get past the obvious themes and allusions, it becomes one of the most memorable books you have ever read.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Interlude: The Forever War: Lit Circle Letter 3

The third section of The Forever War successfully concludes the anti-military space opera/Vietnam War allusion of Joe Haldeman. As the main protagonist, William Mandela tries to cope with his insatiable loss of humanity after returning to an unfamiliar home. He does this by spending his time with the only connection he has to his past life, Potter Marygay.

As love interests, the two are bound more by their fears of the changed future rather than actual romantic love for each other. As Haldeman puts it: "desperate fun". When the two become separated due to military service, William can only turn back to the military for any comfort. The military has trained him to obey, not to question.

This goes along with the high anti-military sentiment present throughout the novel. The military is shown as a soulless construct that cannot care for its veterans. It is only concerned for self preservation, and cannot function effectively as a bridge between humanity's survival as it's best interests.

As William gets dumped back into military service, he is subjected to an "accelerated life situation computer", which indoctrinates him for military training. This is referencing the operant conditioning American soldiers faced back during their training for the Vietnam War. These soldiers are more easily able to pull the trigger without remorse, and become trained to fight at maximum efficiency under great duress.

William also becomes a Major commander, in charge of his own strike force. He is barely older than any of the men and women he is commanding. They speak a different language than he does, and have different customs and ways. In William's time frame, he has only been a soldier for four years; for the rest of the world, it has been over 400 years. Due to time dilation, William becomes even more alienated as he fails to differentiate between the real aliens: his company of marines, or the mysterious "Taurans" they fight.

The rest of the book is more heavily focused on William in combat. Even though he is able to survive and return home, most of the ending and epilogue seem to be written with a tinge of respect and guilt for abusing a character who has been through so much. This can also be said for Vietnam veterans, who never really got past the alienation and the post traumatic stress disorders. They are to be respected.

One can only shun the United States government for starting such a war, and it is Haldeman that tries to provoke this emotion in those who become attached to William Mandela. In the long run, this is a pure allusion that will honor the forgotten veterans of the Vietnam War.

Monday, April 12, 2010

32) Tasukete!



After raging on the perils on my unhappy life and returning to the monotony of required schooling, my mind has calmed a bit. However, my soul continues to cry for help in other forms. It's not everyday that wishes for liberation can be fulfilled. The chance still brings me hope.

After looking at the futility of my situation, much should be improved. Whether they can be improved is another story entirely. Reflections and whining can only do so much. So where do people get their motivation from?

There's a movie I'm quite fond of. It stars a young Natalie Portman in her debut, along with a younger and more eccentric Jean Reno. The movie is called Léon, about a solitary hitman living in New York City's Little Italy. Léon is a lonely and downtrodden man. Even though his occupation keeps him from making friends, he is able to find consolation in the littlest things.

There is a scene in the film where Léon comments on how his best friend is a houseplant. The plant never talks back at him, and is always there to listen. The film concludes with Léon's sacrifice to save a young girl he befriends.

Another movie I love is Ghost Dog: The Way of the Samurai. It depicts the mysterious 'Ghost Dog', a hitman that follows the honorable code of the samurai, often reciting passages from Yamamoto Tsunetomo's Hagakure. He is a lone stranger that is friends with a man who doesn't speak his language, along with a young girl that never sees his true nature. Aside from killing, he also cares for a flock of pigeons that live above his apartment.

Ghost Dog also perishes at the conclusion of the film, sacrificing himself so that he may atone for his sins and follow his code.

What do these two films have in common? I find myself alluding to these charcters more and more, men bound to their lives by a code that they begrudgingly accept because it was the path they chose. Both are strangers to the common world, accepted only by a small few who cherish the hopes of the outside world.

And in the end, both die in distress and pain, not fearing, for they know full well this is their destiny.

Who can deny such men are honorable idols of valor and courage, of honor and strength? I find myself more attached to this fiction because I can no longer see the realism in believing such characters could exist in the free world.

I can no longer believe that there are still people of honor and chilvary. I can't see the existence of morality and ethics that humankind has set for itself. There is no obligation to abide by good anymore.

It saddens me to know that such fictional characters can only be fiction because they embody so much of what I believe in. What is a man to do when he realizes his code can never hold value in the world?

So I won't listen to my parents, my imaginary characters, or my teachers. They can't give me what I want.

Because amidst this suffering, this is the path I choose. Of all the nightmares and hells I could have embraced, I choose this one, only because it is in full and utter harmony with everything I stand for and constitutes every last fiber of my being. I don't change it because I'm afraid. I don't change it because it makes me stronger.


継続は力なり
-Continuance is strength.

Interlude: The Forever War: Lit Circle Letter 1 + 2

The Forever War by Joe Haldeman is a clear and simple illusion to the author's experiences concerning the Vietnam War. Even though it is thinly veiled in an epic science fiction novel, the themes it presents are very concise and straightforward. Even the title is a clear indicator: Vietnam was America's longest war, lasting over ten years.

There are two many aspects of the book that are pure reflections on its real life base. For one, the enemies are named Taurans, which resemble the convenient alien cannon fodder. Many of them appear weak to the protagonists, and are often harmless unless provoked. There is a obvious allusion to the slaughtering of innocent civilians during the Vietnam War. As the enemy is composed of militia, there is no clear distinction of friend or foe, rendering all equally hostile, and therefore targets.

Perhaps the biggest indicator is the protagonist, William Mandela. Mandela is a near anagram of the author's last name, Haldeman. The name of Williams's love interest, Marygay Potter, is nearly identical to Haldeman's wife's maiden name.

As the soldiers experience training in the strange and unfamiliar environment of Charon, their fears are captured in the dense emotions found in the deaths of their fellow trainees. There is also a strong stab at drug use, which is encouraged among the soldiers.

The marines are also cohabital amongst themselves, the company being composed of both men and women. They often bunk together. This could be an attempt to sway readers away from the obvious allusion of the Vietnam war, or it could be a representation of the rape of women by American soldiers.

The first battle takes place in a jungle setting, similar to that of the dense foliage found in Vietnam. There is obvious discussion of limited field of vision, fog of war, and the possibility of the enemy hiding anywhere. The battles that do take place are quick and confusing, often driving the men past their breaking point. They are ambushed by unseen foes and fall prey to panic and anger. Many die quickly, referencing the 58,193 American casualties of Vietnam.

During the battle, the soldiers have their implemented subconscious rage triggered by their commander, driving them into a mad frenzy of killing. It is interesting to note that more than ninety percent of soldiers in Vietnam were willing to fire, as opposed to the mere fifteen percent in World War One. Operant conditioning much?

As the soldiers return from their nightmare, they are greeted by a strange and unfamiliar world of hostility. Although they are honored by their actions, they struggle to fit into a society that is foreign and soulless. In the story, this is a world of poverty, high unemployment rates, constant violence, and encouraged homosexuality. This reflects upon the alienation veterans of the Vietnam War experienced upon return to an anti-war America.

There is also a deep detailing of the government run rationing of calories, which have replaced money as the standard currency. It is unclear whether this references the American debt after Vietnam, which totaled $111 billion ($686 billion in 2008 dollars).

There is also unreferenced hinting of post traumatic disorders of the veterans, totaling 830,000 in Vietnam. The protagonists use the money they earned in the war on desperate pleasures, spending without care. Many turn to hedonism for comfort. As they get separated, each feels an irreplaceable loss. They lose the last remaining connections to their past.

Many veterans in the novel reenlist to escape the unknown world they have returned to, even though they realize that the military is a soulless construct. They value that their lives in the military and the sudden prospect of death is better than living in a strange and unfamiliar home. They subconsciously choose possible death because there is no other alternative to the meaningless lives they would otherwise live.

On an interesting side note, The Forever War is often compared to Robert A. Heinlein's Starship Troopers. Starship Troopers is often seen as pro-military, while The Forever War is seen as anti-war. The two science fiction novels share a similar aspect of being on opposite sides of the same coin. Both were written in the time span of the Vietnam War.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

31) A Hearty Breakfast

Above: 3 strips of bacon, 'eggy in the basket', scrambled eggs, and a cup of moderately sweet coffee.

Accompanying music:


A meal always tastes better when you're the one that cooked it. This is best achieved with breakfast, arguably the most important meal of the day. But if cooking eggs while avoiding waking my parents has taught me anything, its that spring break presents luxuries I seldom enjoy.

On the bright side, I've discovered a solution to my writer's block: 1 hour of meditation after a minimum 110 hours after any schooling. Not a feasible solution to help my writing abilities, but I've been able to produce a 45 minute podcast in the process.

However, my free time is not truly 'free'. I've been studying in my SAT subject books for a test that's slated on my 17th birthday.

And isn't that the greatest insult? To mar the celebration of my birth with the grasp of schooling and its merciless institutions. Forcing me to study when I'm on break.

But what really scares me is that I've already begun to miss the horrible sounds of the school bells, the apathetic tone of a teacher's voice, or the mob of students all talking at once.

If my hate for schooling isn't apparent, I'll emphasize it here: I HATE SCHOOL. And no, don't you go back a few posts on this blog to refresh your memory. I wouldn't dare waste your time with my rants. It's only a question of why you're reading this.

Which all means that the only drawn conclusion is my worst fear: I've become addicted to school. The system has grabbed me with its totalitarian grasp, seeping into my mind, driving my veins of hate and contempt. I've become addicted to pain.

Twice I've woke this school year, struggling to breathe, my heart beating at an inhuman rate, as if I've been running for miles nonstop. Numerous times I've had dreams of dismembering my family, echoed by screams of pain and laughs of sadism in an orchestra of delicious blood and flesh. I've felt enough pain to drive me to suicide; feelings that some shall never know in their lifetime.

I need not convince you of the products of compulsory schooling. Let me be the example of the mental damage it has caused in some.

I can live with being a masochist. In fact, its the only remaining option I have. I'm not bluffing when I say that school has taught me not to fear death.

And here I thought I could be happy and satisfied for cooking my own breakfast. Before this week ends, I'll consider doing it once again. Eggs are delicious.

Alas, I've become pessimistic once again. So I wonder why so very few adults understand what this education system has cost. When my parents can give me my sanity back, then they can start complaining that I'm not a obedient adolescent. When teachers can help me enjoy life once again, then they can judge my intelligence.

So listen to your common masochistic, delusional, and suicidal student. He knows more about school than you think.

How's this for solving writer's block?

Sunday, April 4, 2010

30) The Spring Break Rant

This week, we discuss the imperialist ipad, troubles with Pope Benedict the 16th, hate on the American School System as described by John Taylor Gatto (again), and see the legitimate fears of people and American politics.

This one's a long one folks, so strap in and listen: